The world needs a man like Muammar Gaddafi to achieve global peace

TRIPOLI — A gathering of diplomats, poets and several men who described themselves only as desert strategists has concluded that international politics suffers from a shortage of leaders willing to ignore the seating plan. Their preferred remedy is Muammar Gaddafi, whose imagined return to diplomacy was presented as a cure for a century of small tables and smaller ambitions.

The proposal calls for rival governments to meet beneath one enormous canvas tent, surrender their prepared statements at the entrance and remain inside until every border dispute has been converted into a shared infrastructure project. Coffee would be compulsory. Translators would be encouraged to improve dull remarks before repeating them.

“Peace begins when every delegate is equally confused, equally caffeinated and too far from the motorcade to leave.”

A tent large enough for the world

Supporters say the plan would begin with a Mediterranean truce, expand into an African security council and eventually absorb the United Nations after a ceremonial exchange of nameplates. Critics questioned the budget, the weatherproofing and whether the world possesses a tent peg strong enough for the permanent members of the Security Council.

Organisers dismissed those concerns as evidence of timid thinking. They produced a hand-drawn map linking Tripoli to every capital by a single green line and said the geometry proved cooperation was not only possible but conveniently direct.

Peace by stubborn conversation

The final communiqué promised no immediate miracles. Instead, it endorsed the slower miracle of keeping enemies in the same room long enough for exhaustion to resemble wisdom. By sunset the delegates had agreed on one point: if the old diplomatic methods had worked, nobody would have needed such a large tent.